Episode V

BE OUR GUEST

Some of you may know that I work in a hotel. I am the Night Auditor, which means I work that graveyard shift, 11pm to 7am, five days a week. I can hear you groaning already, but yes, I work while everyone sleeps, which has it's high and lows. What I'd like to concentrate on for this episode is the lows.

One of the hardest parts about working third shift is the fact that I am the hotel. Meaning, I'm the front desk agent, I'm the maid, I'm the maintenance man, I'm the manager. Sure I have help some nights for the houseman, but otherwise it's just me. And one of the biggest problems I face is dealing with uncooperative people.

"The Shirt"

Take last night for example. The shift went by just fine. There were no problems, no issues with guests, nothing. I was just about finished with my shift when a guest comes down to the lobby in just his shorts. No shoes (that I could tell) and no shirt. Being that we're a business-focused hotel, there are certain unwritten rules that people need to abide by. One of those rules is: when in the Lobby of the hotel, you should be properly clothed. Of course there are exceptions to this rule, but in general, clothing is required. It is NOT optional!

So here's this guy standing by one of the wall of windows that we have in our lobby. It was early morning, so normally not many people are up at that hour, but it was different yesterday. He walks around into the main part of our lobby, and I said, "Excuse me sir, would you mind putting on a shirt?" It's not a question, it's a request. But apparently this guy took it as a question. To which he responds, "excuse me?" As if I had asked him some trivia question that he needed repeated.

I ask him again, "can you please put on a shirt." Which apparently was like I was asking him to set himself on fire. This simple statement set him off. He asked me again to repeat my request, so I did, "would you mind putting on a shirt." His response? "What if I do mind, what are you going to do about it?" Well, if you really want to get down to brass taxes I said, "I will call the police" (to which they would escort him to his room and then out the door). This was probably a little harsh, but I'm not going to have someone come into "my" hotel and do whatever they want. It ain't happenin'!

So he ends up calling me an asshole. Why? Who knows. I guess he's not the kind of guy that responds well to being told what to do. But yet, there I was, some lonely hotel worker, telling this guy to do something (that really is not even worth getting upset over -- put on a shirt, it's not hard; head goes in the middle, arms go out the sleeves, and ta-da, you're dressed!). He also said something along the lines of, "you're telling me to put on a shirt, after 'all the money I spent here this weekend'?"Yes, Yes I am. You need to put on a shirt if you are to come to the Lobby, regardless of how much money you spend here. If the President stayed here and came down in only a Speedo, I'd tell him to take his ass back upstairs and put on a shirt and pants.

Just because you spend money here doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want. We are granting you the privilege of staying here. We have the right to turn business away (not that we would, but we could). And since you were permitted to stay here you are thereby REQUIRED to follow the rules we set forth. So if I ask you to do something, like put on a shirt, you do it! Do you see anyone else not wearing a shirt? No. So why do you think you're Mr. Special that can go around shirtless? The answer is, you're not special. Sorry. Now go upstairs and put on a shirt.

So he continues to argue with me, and I just keep telling him to "put on a shirt". Eventually he takes up all our hotel business cards and threatens to send emails to all the managers telling them what an asshole I am. And all because I asked him to Put - On - a - Shirt. Oh - My - Gawd! Before he leaves for the morning he says, "you're going down." Right. Sure. Whatever! Do you honestly think they're going to fire me, just because YOU said so? I think not.

So that was yesterday. What a wonderful way to end a shift.

I hope I ruined your day sir, whoever you are, because you ruined mine. Asshole.

"Drinks All Around"

Another issue that continually comes up, especially during wedding season is alcohol. Maryland Law states that alcohol can only be consumed in public areas if it is purchased at that place of business. In other words, if we sell it to you, you can drink it practically anywhere in the hotel. You may bring in your own booze, but it must be consumed in your room. You may NOT bring it into our public areas and drink it. If you do, and the cops happen to come by and see it, we could loose our liquor license. 

I think that rule is pretty simple. But yet people insist on ignoring it. Are they warned? Yes. There are signs up in the Bar and Lobby, and the wedding groups are informed ahead of time (whether the info actually makes it to everyone is a different story). It's like, you wouldn't walk into a restaurant, like Ruby Tuesdays, and bring in your own beer or martini. No. You'd buy it at the bar and be content. So what makes you think you can get away with it in a hotel?

For instance. A week or two ago, there was a wedding group here, they had reserved the bar for an after party, and the bartender had already done Last Call. So this one guy comes down with a bag full of beer. It obviously wasn't ours, so I confronted him.

"Excuse me sir, you cannot have that down here, you'll need to take it upstairs."

"Well, we're part of the wedding group, so, I say it's okay.""

"I'm sorry sir, but Maryland laws prevents you from having it down here."

"Well, your bar is closed, so I think it's okay."

"Sir, please don't argue with me."

"I'm not arguing with you."

"Then take it upstairs." 

And he does. But it should have never have gotten to that point. When I tell you the first time, you smile, nod and DO IT. Don't think you can sit there and banter with me. I have the final say, not you.

This happens quite frequently. And it's because people just don't care. They think because they pay us a few dollars (not even full price, most the time these groups are getting a huge deduction in rate) that they can run the hotel. And that isn't how it works. Just do as I say and we'll get along just fine.

In closing, you're a GUEST, not the owner. No matter how much money you spend with Hilton, Marriott, or InterContinental hotels you'll never have the right to do whatever you want. There are rules. There is such a thing as etiquette. And all we ask is that you adhere to those things. It's not too much to ask, is it?